I expected to meet my first love in a magical way. Not necessarily “knight on white horse” magical, but I had a definite picture in my head – tall, blond, chiseled body, deep voice, designer clothes. He would be romantic smart and very witty. He would be perfect. One day he did come along, my perfect love, although his perfection wasn’t quite there- at first.

He was 5 years older than I and about 5 inches shorter. He had a high squeaky voice, considering he was nineteen at the time, and a scrawny little body. He wasn’t what you would call “good-looking”

We met at the beach. A mutual friend introduced us. He was annoying and kept cracking jokes and flirting with me. Somehow, he ended up giving my friends and me a ride home that night.

I rolled my eyes as the car pulled up to us. The brakes were shot, the door was broken, and he had to sit on a phone book to actually see over the dashboard. I could not help but laugh at the situation. How embarrassing, I thought. But he was far from embarrassed. He kept cracking jokes about his “trusty steed” and haf us all laughing to tears. We stopped off at his house on the way home and I asked him if I could use his bathroom. He stopped turned and said, “Yes, but…those who use my bathroom must give me their phone numbers.” He was grinning.

“Whatever, Here.” I jotted down my number and then sought out the bathroom.

I guess you could say that was where it all started. We became friends instantly. He would take me out to dinner and to the movies. He even brought me as his date to a Halloween party and stayed by my side the whole night. That Halloween was the night I realized that Nicky was more to me than just a friend. We came to the party as “hitch hikers that escaped from prison” and won the prize for most creative costume.

His creativity and silliness was what did it. That’s how he won my heart. I was in love with this beautiful friend.

Did I tell him? Oh, no way! I was very proud…and very stubborn. I had been hurt many times before meeting Nicky, and needless to say, had learned that love confessions are dangerous. But this was different; it felt for real.

We had been friends for almost a year and knew each other inside out. I knew that he liked me. He told me so all the time. I was confused. I didn’t want to ruin the amazing friendship we had.

I hid my feelings for him for another year. It drove me crazy. He gave up on me and got a girlfriend, and I dated off and on; thus we grew apart. I was never happy with any other guy. I compared every date and hug and voice to his. It hurt inside, and I denied my own true feelings and hid them very well until one day…

He had just broken up with his girlfriend, and I called out of the blue. He asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie, and I agreed.

“We have some catching up to do,” he whispered, his voice giving me chills.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ve missed ya…you haven’t grown have you?” I joked.

“Just come over,” he laughed. So I did.

It felt good to be back. I threw my arms around him immediately as I walked through the door. Our eyes met awkwardly, and I pulled away.

We talked about our lives, each other and ourselves. We talked for hours, about everything and anything until silence interrupted our conversation.

I had always wondered how it would feel to kiss him – soft, sloppy, passionate?

And in that moment I decided that I needed to know. Our eyes met, and I leaned in and kissed him. His lips were soft, the kiss perfect. I was floating in his touch, his arms, and his affection. It had been two years of flirting and friendship, and finally we were trapped in the moment between our own true feelings.

I spilled to him the truth about my feelings. I told him how scared I was that I would lose him as a friend, but that he had become much more than that to me. I told him that I had never cared about someone this way. I told him that he was beautiful and that I was falling in love with him. I even began to cry.

He smiled and kissed me lightly on the cheek. “I love you, too,” he whispered. “And I know how you feel. We go perfectly together, Becca.”

“I know, Nicky.” At this moment he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, every inch, up to his perfect ears. His voice was music, his touch tender. That was when our friendship became more. We were in love.

Months passed and our stability floundered. Love is a roller coaster, and I must admit sometimes all the turns and twists made me sick. But through everything we had an amazing and beautiful relationship. He taught me how to love and admired my passion for life. He instilled confidence in me and supported my individuality.

Love has a tendency to fade. Ours did.
We had given each other a lot, including the confidence to grow into our own people, and ultimately, to grow apart. One day, I just didn’t see the love in his eyes any more. Hiss kiss was different. We both felt the slow drift apart, yet neither of us really wanted to admit that our fire was blowing out. We had been together for a year and a half and, secretly, I knew, no longer.

Although our relationship ended, our connection stayed strong. My friends had always warned me never to date your best friend. That you will ruin your friendship and it can never be the same again.

Three years later, he remains one of my best friends. We have changed and grown. I am involved with someone new and wonderful, and so is he. And yet we still remain major priorities in one another’s lives.

The fantasy of my magical man has faded, and I no longer search for perfection. I know that it doesn’t exist. What I do know is that love is mysterious, and beautiful and oftentimes, very unexpected.

- Rebecca Gabrielle Saunders